


Boyfriend Material

by lovetheblazer



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Awkward Flirting, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Gay Bar, M/M, crisscolfer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-30 21:32:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6441562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovetheblazer/pseuds/lovetheblazer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>anonymous prompted: “Hey you, what are these clothes made of?” “What?” “Boyfriend material.”<br/>CrissColfer Alternative Meeting AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boyfriend Material

Darren throws back the dregs of his scotch on the rocks in one gulp before sidling up to the bar to order another double. He needs at least one more fortifying dose of alcohol for courage before he has the balls to go through with his plan.

Darren’s usually not reliant for alcohol when it comes to social lubrication. As Joey, Lauren, and all his college friends love pointing out to him, he’s basically missing the shame gene, especially when it comes to approaching cute guys in bars. You name a cheesy pick up line or clumsy introduction technique, Darren’s tried it at least once. (Yes, even the Naked Man. Don’t ask.)

Tonight is a little different, though. For one thing, he clocked the tall, lanky guy the moment he walked into Marie’s Crisis. Darren is something of a regular here, seduced by the combination of decently priced drinks (at least by New York standards), regular influx of minor to major Broadway stars, and a piano churning out a steady playlist of musical theater standards. He definitely doesn’t recognize the new guy, though, and Darren’s almost positive that if he’d seen him even once before, he’d remember. This guy is far too attractive to forget.

Usually, Darren would have approached the cute guy almost immediately. However, since the guy in question isn’t alone, instead accompanied by a petite brunette who’s been enthusiastically singing along with the piano ever since she arrived, a bit more patience seems in order. Marie’s isn’t _just_ a gay bar per se, at least on paper, though the odds usually work in Darren’s favor here. While it’s likely that the cute guy Darren has his eye on plays for Darren’s team, it’s still not a sure thing and that gives Darren momentary pause. So instead, Darren winds up nursing his drink while he observes and plots his strategy, all but ignoring the two friends at his table while he thinks and spies and plans. Joey and Lauren don’t really seem to mind, taking advantage of Darren’s momentary distraction to play tonsil hockey.

It doesn’t take long before a brave soul makes a beeline for the cute guy seated on a bar stool at the bar. Darren can’t make out what’s being said over the roar of the crowd and aggressive sing-along, but he gets the gist of it pretty clearly through their body language. The guy who approaches has a good ten years on the cute guy, and he doesn’t so much walk as stumble over, groping at the cute guy’s shoulder without invitation or permission. The cute guy whirls with a disgusted look and delivers what seems to be a pretty withering put down, judging by the way the older man shrinks and slinks away in response, obviously humiliated.

Darren’s so fascinated by the silent movie unfolding before his very eyes that he ends up watching a further four guys try to start up conversation and flirt with the cute guy. They all fail miserably to varying degrees, receiving disdain, cold brush offs, or outright rejection for their efforts. It should make Darren wary about even attempting to strike up a conversation, but weirdly, it only makes him more determined to succeed where others have failed. He’s not sure if that makes him naive, idiotic, persistent, or maybe all of the above.

Darren accepts a fresh drink from the bartender gratefully, sucking down half of it in a few long swigs while he waits for the bartender to return with his change. Once the friendly bartender returns, he tips well and takes a deep breath, steeling himself for the task at hand.

Darren approaches the cute guy from the left, remembering how he’d startled earlier when someone had come up behind him and tapped his shoulder. Instead, Darren walks up in plain view, smiling broadly and making direct eye contact to communicate his interest and good intentions.

It doesn’t take long before the cute guy notices him coming over in his peripheral vision, shifting his gaze from the tiny brunette he was talking to Darren. He looks Darren up and down slowly, a neutral expression on his face. It’s not much, but it’s a start.

“Hi,” Darren says once he’s within earshot. He extends his hand in the cute guy’s direction. “I’m Darren. And you are...?”

The cute guy just stares at Darren’s outstretched hand like it might give him rabies, not saying a word. Thankfully, the cute guy’s friend takes pity on Darren and decides to facilitate the introductions. “I’m Lea,” she says, offering up her hand as a consolation prize. “And this is my friend, Chris.”

Darren smiles again, stubbornly extending his hand in Chris’s direction once more. Chris sighs dramatically as if being compelled to shake a stranger’s hand is a particularly loathsome task, but he takes Darren’s hand and shakes it quickly nevertheless.

“It’s nice to meet you both,” Darren replies enthusiastically, though his eyes never leave Chris’s face. “So, I’m hoping you can help me settle a bet?” he continues, stomach fluttering with nerves. “I’ve got a question for you.”

“Oh?” Lea asks. Chris glances at Darren briefly, then goes back to looking at something on his phone. Darren’s pretty sure he’s not really reading anything of importance, simply using it as a prop to feign disinterest. Luckily, Darren’s not that easily put off.

“Yep,” Darren hums. He reaches down and grips a handful of his own shirt. “I was hoping you could tell me what these clothes are made of?”

Chris’s frown deepens at the question. He looks Darren up and down quickly, before shrugging weakly.

Lea also looks confused but she’s much less hostile about it. “Okay, I’ll play along!” she chirps cheerfully. “What?”

Darren had been hoping for a bit more direct interaction with Chris, but he’ll take what he can get. He stares directly at Chris again, wanting to make his intention clear as he responds, “Boyfriend material.”

That seems to get Chris’s attention. His head snaps up and his mouth drops open slightly when he realizes how insistently Darren is staring at him. He quickly plays it off by snorting and rolling his eyes at the line.

“Oh my god,” Lea giggles. “That’s adorable. _You’re_ adorable.”

“Thanks,” Darren says, though it’s not really Lea’s affection he’s interested in.

“Don’t you think so, Chris?” Lea prods, elbowing him in the ribs.

Chris makes a point of looking Darren up and down coolly before he responds, “Not really. I rarely see anything cute in leering guys and cheesy pickup lines.”

“Hey, I’m not leering.” Darren pouts, guiltily dropping his gaze to his hands.

“Suuuuuure you aren’t,” Chris teases.

“I’m not a creep,” Darren protests. “Yeah, it was a cheesy line, but at least it was fairly innocent instead of crude and sexual?”

“Really, that’s the stellar defense you are going with? That you could’ve been creepier but you weren’t, so it’s all good?” Chris shoots back.

“No, just pointing out that in order to be a creep, you usually have to, y’know, have _actual_ creepy intentions?”

“And I guess I’m just supposed to read your mind and know your intentions?” Chris wonders.

“You don’t have the powers of telepathy yet? Man, I could have sworn you did. How disappointing,” Darren sighs in mock dismay.

“Right? Too bad I don’t because otherwise, we could have had it all,” Chris jokes.

“Adele fan?” Darren comments, referencing the “Rolling in the Deep” lyric Chris just aped. “Nice.”

“God, who isn’t?” Chris pauses, putting a finger to his lips. “Actually on second thought, don’t answer that. I’d prefer to keep my delusion that everyone recognizes the living legend walking among us a little longer.”

“I’ll never tell,” Darren vows, feeling his stomach flutter at the small sign of Chris starting to thaw to him.

“See that you don’t,” Chris insists, eyes sparkling.

“How about we continue this heated debate about pickup lines and our taste in music over a drink? My treat, of course,” Darren suggests.

He holds his breath while Chris studies his face for minute, seeming to size him up. Just when Darren thinks he might run out of oxygen, Chris finally responds. “Yeah okay. I’ll come with you to the bar to get it. It’s New York, after all. Can’t be too cautious these days.”

“Is that your not so subtle way of telling me you think my motives are still suspect, even though I have the innocent face of choirboy?” Darren gasps, pretending to be offended. He’s pretty sure that the grin he can’t quite suppress gives him away.

“Honey, most choirboys I know don’t have a five o’clock shadow,” Chris snarks right back.

They playfully argue the entire way to the bar, through ordering two more drinks, and all the way back to a secluded booth tucked away in the far corner of Marie’s. Somehow, it’s still the best foreplay that Darren’s ever had.

Yeah, he’s got it pretty bad for Chris.

* * *

“Don’t you need to stake your claim on Lea before it’s closing time?” Chris asks an hour later, looking suddenly pensive.

“Lea?” Darren frowns in confusion.

“...my friend? Tiny brunette, likes fruity drinks, never shuts up? You know, the one you were trying to flirt with earlier when you busted out your cheesy pick up line?” Chris prompts, staring at Darren like he’s suddenly grown a second head.

“You thought I was hitting on _her_? Dude seriously, do I seem even remotely heterosexual to you?” Darren gawks, blown away by Chris still misunderstanding his intentions; if anything, he tends to get in trouble for being _too_ blunt and honest when it comes to expressing his interest in guys. It’s not like alcohol makes him more subtle about things, either. Usually, it’s quite the opposite.

“Uh... maybe? I’ll admit I was a little surprised with the depth of your Broadway knowledge and appreciation, but it’s 2016 and I didn’t want to stereotype.” Chris shrugs helplessly. “So, you’re saying you’re... _not_ straight?”

“No,” Darren chuckles, “definitely not straight. Try gay as fuck.”

“You’re... gay,” Chris manages, nodding his head slowly as if that will somehow help him process this new piece of information.

“...as fuck,” Darren fills in helpfully.

“Yes, I believe you mentioned that,” Chris says wryly. “Guess I’m just not sure how being gay differs from being gay as fuck?”

“More assless chaps,” Darren jokes.

Chris snorts. “Ah, of of course. Well, in that case, it’s been nice knowing you,” he teases, making a move to stand as if he’s going to leave Darren over this new bit of information.

“Hey now, you can’t get away from me _that_ easily,” Darren says, grabbing Chris’s forearm just above his wrist. 

Chris rolls his eyes as he sits back down in the booth. He looks from Darren’s face to the hand still encircling his wrist and then back to Darren’s face again. “So, who was that pick up line actually intended for?”

Darren has to shake his head at Chris’s obliviousness. Surely his message should be getting through by now? “Do I really have to spell things out for you this much, dude?”

“You sure do use the word ‘dude’ a lot for someone who claims to be gay as fuck,” Chris points out. “And how about you humor me just this once...”

“You were the person I was trying to pick up, duh. Does that really come as such a surprise to you?”

“ _Oh_ ,” Chris hums in recognition, his cheeks suddenly flushing a darker shade of pink that Darren doubts is solely from the alcohol he’s imbibing.

Darren just smiles at Chris, unwilling to be the first to break eye contact. There are a million things he could say, some flirty, some borderline inappropriate, but he instinctively discards them all in favor of waiting Chris out to see if he has more to say on the topic. It would be nice to know if the flirtation and interest is mutual, though he’s not holding his breath for a declaration of love from Chris who seems to be turning all shy out of nowhere.

Chris is the first to look away, dropping his gaze from Darren’s face to their still entangled hands, where Darren is slowly smoothing his thumb along the inside of Chris’s wrist. He marvels at how charged and electric even that casual touch feels. Naturally, it just makes Darren want _more_ ; he’s not sure if that makes him greedy or a glutton for punishment, since Chris has yet to give any indication of how he feels, much to Darren’s chagrin.

Darren slowly slides his hand up until he can lace their fingers together. That seems to break Chris out of the trance he’s been under; his head snaps up and he makes direct eye contact with Darren again, managing to look both wary and intrigued in equal measure.

“I don’t do one night stands, especially with random guys I meet in bars,” Chris blurts out randomly, his cheeks going from a shade of deep pink to cherry red.

“...okay?” Darren breathes. “I don’t remember saying anything about a one night stand, though.”

“I mean, you approached me with a cheesy pickup line, have been buying me drinks for the past hour and a half, and made a point of mentioning your assless chaps collection. The expectation of a one night stand doesn’t seem like a huge leap to make,” Chris points out, seeming to regain some of his composure and earlier snark.

“Fair enough,” Darren laughs. “I don’t usually spend this much time talking to someone in a bar if I’m only interested in a fuck, though.”

Chris grins. “Man, I bet that mouth of yours gets you in trouble all the time.”

Darren shrugs, trying for casual, though Chris is not wrong. He’s lucky that his charm usually helps compensate for his bluntness; it’s certainly gotten him out of tricky situations more than once. “I just tell it like it is. Nothing wrong with that, right?”

“I guess not, but I’m not sure if everyone would agree with me on that. Personally, I’ll take blunt and honest any day over the alternative.”

“And what would that be, exactly?” Darren wonders.

“The alternative? Probably a sweet talker that blows smoke up your ass but doesn’t back up those words with corresponding actions. I’ve definitely dated a few of those guys. Never again,” Chris vows, a faraway look in his eyes.

Darren nods sympathetically, giving Chris’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “Yeah, I’ve been there, too. And I get that you’ve only known me for a couple of hours, but I can assure you that I’m not that guy and I have no intention of ever being that guy.”

“Yeah, I  _think_ I can believe that,” Chris finally agrees tentatively.

“You think?” Darren scoffs, a teasing smile playing around the corners of his mouth. “How can I fully convince you?”

“Hmm...” Chris strokes his chin while he mulls over the question, pretending to be in serious thought. “How about some brutal honesty? What made you decide to come over and try out world’s worst pick up line on me?”

“Piece of cake,” Darren smirks. “Well, first of all, I don’t know if you’ve looked in the mirror lately, but you’re _gorgeous_. And not the boring, cookie-cutter kind of attractive, either. You’ve got your own unique look and it was really working for me.”

“Was?” Chris echoes, feigning offense.

“It _is_ working for me, I mean. It was when I first spotted you and it still is. Some people get uglier once they open their mouths and speak, but it’s just the opposite with you,” Darren clarifies.

Chris blushes again, clearly unaccustomed to being paid so many compliments in one evening. To Darren, that’s nothing short of a tragedy, and he fully intends to right that wrong. He doesn’t even care how many attempts it takes for his praise to penetrate Chris’s thick skull.

“So yeah, I spotted you pretty early on and it wasn’t so much a decision of _if_ I would come over to talk to you but _when_ and _how_. I decided a little recon was probably in order first, so I took some time to scope out the competition. I watched a bunch of guys blatantly checking you out and saw the bravest ones approach you. It was pretty amusing to see you hardcore shut them all down, but it also made me rethink my strategy. I figured the best play was to try to make you laugh. I couldn’t come up with a better way to do that than by making a total fool out of myself, hence the awful pick up line. And the rest was history...”

“A little constructive criticism for next time?” Chris begins. “Assuming you want it.”

“I’m all ears,” Darren replies.

“In the future, if you’re approaching a group of people, maybe make sure the person you’re flirting with knows the pick up line is intended for him,” Chris teases. “You might have more success that way.”

“Hey, are you saying my way of doing things hasn’t been successful?” Darren huffs, gesturing to their intertwined hands. “Rude.”

“Depends on your definition of success, I guess?” Chris shrugs. “Like I told you before, you’re not getting laid tonight, at least not by me.”

“You know, remarkably I’m capable of having more things on my mind than just a desperate need for sex,” Darren remarks. “I think this has been a very successful conversation, for starters. And I’d happily settle for your number and maybe the promise of a date in the near future?”

Chris takes a long moment to mull it over, biting his lip in a very distracting manner while Darren looks on. Finally, he nods decisively. “I think that can probably be arranged.”

“Excellent news,” Darren beams. He reluctantly releases his grasp on Chris’s hand and slides out of his side of the booth. Chris shoots him a puzzled look. In lieu of an explanation, Darren just crowds up next to Chris, dropping a hand to his shoulder as he requests, “Scoot over a little?”

Chris still looks confused, but he does as asked with little fanfare, sliding over a couple of feet and giving Darren enough room to perch beside him. Rather than giving Chris a modicum of personal space, he presses right up against him from knee to hip. Chris draws a shaky breath, gaze dancing from Darren’s eyes down briefly to his lips and back up again. It’s the only encouragement Darren needs to close the gap, cupping both sides of Chris’s face possessively as he finally brushes his lips against Chris’s.

Darren’s fairly used to taking the lead when it comes to kissing. That’s what makes the way Chris takes control almost immediately so surprising in the best possible way. Darren slightly parts his lips, intending to deepen the kiss, but before he can Chris’s tongue is pressing into his mouth, firm and insistent. It’s sort of a revelation, really, leaving Darren overwhelmed and shivering as Chris’s tongue slicks wetly against his own with the perfect amount of pressure.

Darren melts into it, leaning into Chris’s body because he just needs _more_. Chris’s hand comes up to cup the back of Darren’s neck. His fingers automatically thread through a few of the wild curls at the nape of Darren’s neck and when he gently tugs at Darren’s hair, Darren audibly groans against his lips.

Things grow more heated from there. Darren can barely breathe or think straight, every thought in his mind crowded out save for one word: Chris. He doesn’t know which way is up any longer. Though he’s growing increasingly desperate for air with each passing second, Darren is willing to surrender and drown himself in this. Something about knowing that it’s Chris who is setting the pace and he’s just along for the ride makes it infinitely hotter and impossible to resist.

Darren has no idea how long they’ve been kissing - seconds, minutes, hours, days - when Chris starts to slow things down. There’s one final brush of lips against his, a gentle caress in contrast to the firm pressure of before. Then, Chris releases his grip on the fistful of Darren’s curls and pulls back. Darren whines in protest as they break apart, trying to chase after Chris’s lips.

When that doesn’t work, Darren puts on his best puppy dog pout instead, laying it on thick. Chris just laughs at him. “Sorry, but I probably should have mentioned that I’m not a huge fan of PDA in addition to one night stands,” Chris murmurs, his voice hoarse and pitched an octave lower as a result of all the kissing. 

“Could have fooled me,” Darren huffs out teasingly.

“Occasionally, I’m willing to make an exception,” Chris grants with a wry smirk.

“Well, if you’re not down with public displays of affection, how do you feel about private ones?” Darren asks. He sees Chris frown slightly and rushes to clarify the potential source of misunderstanding. “I’m not suggesting sex or anything like that,” he swears, holding up his hands in surrender. “Just that we go back to my place and continue our conversation and kissing in a more private venue. That’s all.”

“Make it my place and you’ve got yourself a deal,” Chris agrees easily. “I’ve got a cat and a dog that need feeding and petting, so I try not to be away from home for too long.”

“It’s a date,” Darren beams.

“Oh no, honey,” Chris immediately corrects. “The date will have to come later. Tomorrow night, maybe? And fair warning, I expect to be _wooed_.”

Darren’s stomach flutters at the casual term of endearment and his relief at already hearing Chris confirm that he wants to see Darren again soon. He hopes it bodes well for the future of their relationship. It’s been a long time since Darren has felt compelled to pull out all the stops in the romance department, but he instinctively knows that Chris deserves all of that effort and more.

“For the record, you should never underestimate me when it comes to grand romantic gestures,” Darren says with a wink. “I just might wind up surprising you.”

* * *

Less than a month later, Chris and Darren make it official.

This time, the Facebook status Chris posts leaves little room for doubt about his feelings for Darren and vice versa:

_Not so long ago, a total stranger walked up to me at Marie’s Crisis and announced that he was “boyfriend material.” At first, I pretty much assumed he was insane. But as it turns out? He was right. (Just don’t tell him I said that or he’ll never stop gloating.)_

_**Chris Colfer** is in a relationship with **Darren Criss**._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! As always, I'd love to hear what you think of the story if you feel so inclined to share. You will totally make my day ;)
> 
> [Share Fic on Tumblr](http://lovetheblazer.tumblr.com/post/142151951230/boyfriend-material)


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